Bath time {.44}

Last night I almost had a nervous breakdown.

I let Jayden play with his bath toys for 8 minutes or so before it was time to get ready for bed. When I said to him “Okay, it’s time to get out!” He said, “I don’t wanna get out.”

Oh my goodness, Lord! I could scream my head off right then there because he is a stubborn as a mule {his sign is a Taurus}. The crazy thing is: right before I put him in the bath he said that he didn’t want to take a bath, so I thought it would be relatively easy to get him out of the bath. WRONG! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, and double wrong.

This is also the same little boy we are talking about who changes his mind 15 thousand times a day and who I still don’t think really understands what “Yes” and “No” mean when those words come out of his mouth. He just says and does whatever and rolls with the consequences.

Voices in my head: Okay, Nicole. You can do this. Lay down the law. He can’t do whatever he wants, whenever he wants and get away with it! Enstill some type of order! Tell him to get out of the tub!

“I know you don’t want to get out, Jayden, but it’s time for you to go to bed.”, I explained.

“Uhhhhhhh.”, Jayden wailed.

I started to let the water drain while he was still playing. He was trying to stop the water from going down with his toy.

At this point I was scared of a melt down. All I could think about was “Man, he really didn’t want to get out of that tub. I better let him stay in for a little while longer”.

I didn’t listen to myself (thank goodness). I thought quickly and I turned water going down the drain into an event.

“Loooook! The water is going down the drain! Bye! Bye! Water!”, I started to wave.

At first Jayden looked at me like I was crazy, then he started to wave as well.

“Buh, bye wata! Buh, bye!”, he smiled as he waived.

PHEW! I did it! If I could, I would give myself a Mommy metal. I usually crack and let Jayden do whatever he wants {those puppy dog eyes are intense}, but if he’s going to be a well rounded responsible adult, I have to lay down the law sometimes. Doesn’t mean we can’t have fun, he just needs to listen to Mommy.

“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too

quickly and not saying no soon enough.”

Josh Billings

Peace out weekend {.43}

Another one flew by, but I can’t say it wasn’t productive. I have gotten a lot of things done. More mentally than anything else. Just think about what I want to do with my life, personal goals I have set for myself and just a vision of the exciting things life has to offer my family and I. A pretty simple weekend, but so rewarding at the same time.

The simplest things are often the truest.

Richard Bach

Can I have 28 hours in the day? {.42}

There aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do {including relax with my family}. If it did it all everyday I would go to sleep no later than 3:00AM and have to wake up two hours later to do it all over again. I’d love to do it, but I want to be around for my family and living like that is a sure way to shorten your life span. Sleep is more important than most realize.

The obvious answer to the feeling like there isn’t enough time in the day is to prioritize. Here is the moment of truth for me, as much as I try and as much as I make lists… I am not good at prioritizing. There I said it. In fact, I’m horrible at it!

Some days I am on point, other days you’d wonder if I had a brain. I’ve tried composing a daily list of things I should do before the day is out, but everyday is different and my family’s needs are going to be different everyday. I work like a machine, I like things to be structured and pretty much the same everyday. Life doesn’t work like that and I’m not having the easiest time adjusting. But, something has go to give.

Last night, I fell asleep at 7:30PM. That is a record for me and it’s not a good thing. But, I got a lot done the day before, which was great! I went to sleep at 1:00AM which wasn’t horrible, but there were so many things going through my mind even as I was laying my head on the pillow. I was mentally drained. I was thinking about what I could have done better, maybe I should have done the dishes before homework, that could have left more time for me to read blogs…It never stops.

 

I’m taking action. I cannot live like a frazzled chimpanzee anymore. It’s not a good feeling. I’m always on edge and always thinking about what’s next and who needs what from me. I want my mind to relax a little, but still get things done. I want to have my weekends free of cleaning and other things I could be getting done during the week so I can enjoy that time with my family. I’m making a project for myself. I’m making a list of all of the things I have to do during the week big and small, what is the most important, and a schedule of when I should have it all done. The most important thing that I’m doing {that my cousin taught me but I never listened to} is I’m giving myself a bedtime. Yes, I am going back to grade school and cutting myself off from doing stuff that I could do the next day. I’m putting my list on a timeline. I get so caught up in the details and making everything perfect, I take way too long to do simple things. I notice that when I set a timer or when I have to go somewhere, things get done so much faster.

So, it’s on – I’m taking my sanity back. We’ll see how it goes.

 

“No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading,

or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance.”

 

– Confucius  

Government Name {.041}

About three weeks ago, Jayden had his three-year check up. He’s healthy,  smart and all of that good stuff. Such a blessing. As the apointment was ending his doctor instructed Quentin and I to start teaching him our full names, how to survive in the wild {how to gather food, fight off hungry lions, etc} and all of that good stuff. Seriously though, you know stuff you should know if there is an emergency; addresses, phone numbers and all of that helpful stuff.

We didn’t waste any time and started teaching him what our names were right way. Let’s just say that within one day he had it down pat. I think he was a tad bit confused because he would ask if he got our names right. I mean, can you blame the kid he’s been calling us “Mommy” and “Daddy” since was only 6 months old. I could only imagine what was going on in his head when we told him what our real names were. To him, we are probably impostors.

“Mommy, thatsss Quentin!?”, he would say with a confused look on his face.

“Yes, that’s Quentin, Jayden.”

“Oh. Hi Quentin!”, he would wave as if he was meeting a new person.

Days went by and we would try to refresh his memory and make sure he didn’t forget our “new identities”.

One day I was in the bathroom, doing what people do in the bathroom, and Jayden knocked on the door {He doesn’t like when we go to the bathroom and leave him outside of the door. Go figure. Parent’s don’t deserve privacy.}

“Nicole? NICOLE!? NICOLE WHITEHALL!?!”, he wailed.

“Yes, Jayden.”, I said through my laughter.

“I come in?”

I couldn’t even answer him I was laughing so hard.

I found it so funny that he had already made the connection that “Nicole” was my “new” name. It was almost as if he thought we were telling him to call us something else from now on. I later explained to him that I was two people {this is making even more sense now}. He’s gotten the hang of knowing who Nicole Whitehall is and that she is Mommy too. I’m sure he doesn’t get why I have two names. But, it’s just the cutest thing to hear him say my Government name. What a sophisticated young lad.

The beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you.
B.B. King

Too busy? {.040}

Yesterday morning was like any other {except I woke up late – grr}. I woke Jayden up, got his breakfast ready, put him in his chair to eat and started packing his lunch and getting ready for the day. Since I woke up late, Jayden was eating by himself. Sometimes he’ll eat by himself so I can get more done and he never complains or anything {even though I hate that I feel like I don’t have time to sit down with my son for breakfast}.

This morning in particular was a little different for Jayden I suppose. After he took a couple of bites of his oatmeal, he looked up at me with those big brown eyes of his and said, “Mommy, aren’t you hungry?”. He looked at the empty seat next him, then looked back at me.

I said, “Yes, I’m very hungry. But, I have to get us ready to go!”

He just turned around and kept eating. No expression, no acknowledgement, nothing. That’s when I knew he was hurt.

I wanted to cry. But, I didn’t have time to cry {ironic isn’t it}.

My son didn’t ask me for an Xbox, he didn’t ask me to skip school or have candy for breakfast – he simply asked to eat breakfast with me {in his own way}.

I’m ashamed that I have let the hustle and bustle of life deter me from what is really important. Jayden is growing up before my eyes and his memory is starting to develop. I don’t want him to remember eating alone or having to ask for me to eat with him. I want him to remember family dinners and implement them into his house if he chooses to have kids.

I can do it all, I just need to prioritize better. I can certainly do more at night to make sure we have time to eat breakfast together in the morning. It’s just making the decison and the commitment that family is more important than anything.

“What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.”
– Mother Teresa

Fuzzy Weekend {.039}

Dear weekend,

You were the same this time as you always are, eventful and fast paced. Most events took place at home this time. I was struggling with not having the desire to do homework during the week, so I did it all this weekend. It actually felt good to focus on one thing at a time without worrying about going to bed to get up for work in the morning. I finished  so much quicker that I would normally. I usually take five days to complete homework this time I only took 6-7 hours between two days. Humpf. New strategy to consider I guess. I did some much needed cleaning again which made me feel all fuzzy inside, but most importantly I got to spend some much needed quality time with my little munchkin face. My mommy stopped by to have breakfast with us too. She was in Maryland for a Jazz festival and couldn’t go back to New Jersey without seeing us of course. The man was working all weekend. So proud of the moves he is making in the fitness industry already. Overall it was a good weekend. I can’t complain.

I told you that I was going to catch you up with what’s been going on lately, but for now I’ll just leave you with some pictures to enjoy on this beautiful Monday morning. They are from an evening two weeks before at the park while watching Quentin film a video for work. I’ve got to admit, they are some of my favorites I’ve ever taken of Jayden. No poses, no planning, just the organic bliss of a kid, being a kid.

Taking pictures is savoring life intensely, every hundredth of a second.” 

Marc Riboud

It’s been a long time {.38}

Image
First let me start off by saying I’ve missed you memory book readers!

I haven’t been blogging since last week and it has been ever so painful.

There has been so much that I’ve wanted to share with you! But, there were some set backs in the homelife that I had to take care of first.

The most important issue being my son’s health. Jayden was sick – very sick. He didn’t have a common cold or anything like that. He had a stomach virus. The scariest part to me during the week that he was sick was that he acted normally, so I couldn’t tell how he was really feeling.

Ever since Jayden was younger he has done a great job of slamming his head on things and just moving along. I was proud of him for being tough, but concerned when I’d see random knots on his head.

This time he acted no different when it came to pain, except I couldn’t see that he was actually hurt like if he psychically bumped his head.

 

He had a fever of 102, vomited twice, had diarrhea like I’ve never seen before and had no appetite for a few days. Mind you I have never seen him throw up before. He has never thrown up in his whole little life, so I cried. It was so sad to see my baby apologizing for something he had no control over. All because it was on his sheets and pillow and floor and crud. I could care less about the mess!
But, through the entire stomach virus ordeal, he was playing, laughing, joking and having a gay old time! That’s my boy! Tough as nails. The only thing he said to me was “Mommy, tummy hurts”. He’d rub his stomach, poop, and keep it moving.

 

We took him to the doctor mid-week and she sucked monkey nuts. That’s the best way I can describe it. She didn’t listen and explained things to Quentin and I like we were three.

 

“Pediatricians don’t care if toddlers don’t eat. Parents do! We are just worried about him being dehydrated!”

 

Yup! Because I’m totally going to force food down my child’s throat if he clearly expresses to me that he doesn’t want to effing eat! Especially since he’s been shitting and throwing his guts up all over the got-damn house! And forget about water or gatorade! Noooo, I’m not going to give him anything to help him replenish his body with the electrolytes and necessary fluids he needs to LIVE!!!!!! Don’t tell me what I care about lady! I know how the hell to handle a dehydrated and stomach-aching child! Just tell me what the hell he can take or if there is anything additional we can do to make this virus go away faster. That is your job! Jayden’s regular doctor wasn’t there unfortunately, but he needed to see someone ASAP, so we went in for an impromptu sick visit. Not doing that again! Total waste of time. So glad she is not his doctor on a regular basis. She is a douche-face.

 

Anyhow…

 

School has been pretty stressful as well, the anxiety of figuring out what I ultimately want to do with my existence and graduation have been plaguing me. I know it will come and it won’t come when I want it. I just have to let it flow. That’s the hardest part. God’s got me though. I know he does.

 

We’ve got quite a bit of catching up to do my friends, but don’t worry you will get all of the deets (short for details – you like?) next week. Lucky for me I will be catching up on the homework I should have done this week all weekend long baby! It’s just been one of those exhausting weeks. I think my body is still making up for staying up 20 hours that day I discovered Jayden was sick. Phew.

 

Right now, I feel like I’ll never catch up on sleep. I want to fall asleep in my MacBook right now. See how this cycle continues?

 

To whom much is given, much is required right?

 

Today is the first of June {totally random, but I can’t believe it}! Holy crap time has flown by. Half of 2012 is gone people, zombies are here, stuff is getting all fudged up, better spend that money you have in your retirement fund while we’re all still here! ::cue dramatic music::

 

If you treat a sick child like an adult and a sick adult like a child,
everything usually works out pretty well

 

– Ruth Carlisle

Possessive {.037}

I knew that most kids went through the stage of being “possesive”, but of course {yet again} I didn’t think  that my little angel would catch on to the toddler trend.

I was wrong.

Everything is someone’s, not just his {which I’m happy about, because I’d have to body slam him for being selfish}. This weekend that passed was a pretty chill one, I did a massive amount of laundry, cleaned like I was a maid, and spent some much needed quality time with my boys.

One evening last weekend Quentin and I were laying on the bed and Jayden wanted to hop on and said “get cozy?!”, with the most excited look on his face.

Of course we agreed and we started pulling the blankets on all of us and getting pillows. As I went to grab a pillow closer to me Jayden said “No, Jayden’s pillow”.  Just out of curiosity I pointed to the pillow Quentin’s head was under ask whose pillow it was. “That’s Daddy’s pillow.”, he said.

For lack of better words that was “Get your own damn pillow, Mommy!” in toddler language. I took the hint and got my own pillow.

I assumed the pillow that I put in the bed wasn’t going to be mine according my three-year-old so I thought I’d ask just to see what he’d say.

“That’s Mommy’s pillow!”, he told me. I smiled.

I guess my little one isn’t as possessive as I thought he was. He knows what’s his and he knows what’s not. I can’t ask for much more than that.

While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.

Unknown

Your Kid is NOT cute {.036}

The other day some man waltzed into a room with his toddler son and said:

“This is my son! Cute, isn’t he?”

(crickets)

That is how the room sounded.

You know how some people would normally say “Yes! Oh my goodness, he’s adorable!?”

Not this time! Everyone in the room was just looking at each other like “Nooo, not really!”

Here is why: You don’t tell me that you think your son is cute. He’s your son! You are supposed to think that or else you go into the “Bad Parent Hall of Shame” for the rest of your life. No one wants that. I, as a non-bias human being make that decision for you.

Problem is, no one really wanted to say that his kid was below average in the looks department. Correction. Everyone wanted to say it, but no one had the balls to say it, including me. I like to avoid hurting peoples feelings as much as I possibly can, you know?

I am shallow enough to know for a fact that my son looked like an alien from the Men In Black movie when he was born. I am also shallow enough to know that he is growing into a handsome young man, but he hasn’t reached his girl-magnet potential yet. With all of that said, I let other people tell me how adorable my son his so I can bask in the glory of saying to myself: “I know, right!?”

Lesson learned here: Don’t come out of the gate making outrageous claims about your kid. You will get let down.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Jim Henson

I’m not perfect & it sucks. {.035}

In recent days I’ve just realized that I’m not perfect (yea, I know – shocker). What I mean by perfect is that I’m not giving everything my all. To me that makes a “perfect” person. If you do all you can do and then some you’re pretty fantastic.
Okay, well I guess I shouldn’t use the word perfect because perfection really doesn’t exist, but you see where I’m going with this right?
Anyway, what I mean to say is that before my son was born I was not as lazy as I’ve become. I used to stay up ’till three in the morning finishing whatever the hell I needed to finish and wake up at 5:30 to do life all over again. I don’t do that anymore. As soon as the first sign of fatigue kicks in – I go to sleep {which is around 9:00 by the way -__-}. It’s pathetic.
What happened to that energetic, go-get-em, I-can-do-anything kind of attitude? Somewhere between two epidurals and  hours of labor I lost it all. But how? Isn’t being a Mother supposed to motivate you and inspire you? It inspired me, but not to push myself. Just to cater to my little one. That is all that has mattered to me since he was born. That’s a great thing! But, I can’t continue to forget about myself.
I don’t want to be like my Father. I was his world and I still am. My Parent’s got divorced when I was three and he never remarried, so I’m all he has. That seems great, but he needs to have his own life without involving me in every aspect of it.  I don’t want to rely on my son. I don’t want him to be my crutch, like I have been for my Father.
I’ve started to snap out of it with school starting back up for the summer and everything, but it’s not easy to be who I was. But, I want her back. Like all things, working on yourself takes work.
I’m ready though. As ready as I’ll ever be. Time won’t wait for me. I have to take control of it.
“Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and go in.”

– Quoting Napoleon Bonaparte