Lately, I haven’t been feeling very ambitious. I haven’t been feeling myself. My computer has been acting wonky the last two days and instead of fixing it, I’ve just been going to bed. No homework getting done, no blog posts being written, nothing being read.
The crazy part of it all is that I’ve had a lot to say & a lot going on! But after a couple of days of self reflection and stumbling across sources of strength and encouragement I finally broke out of my funk.
This morning I turned on the TV and it was on one of those church shows. Usually I turn the channel because they’re asking for a whole bunch of money and have a 1-800 number at the bottom of the screen or something, but for some odd reason I didn’t change the channel.
There was this middle aged man sitting in a chair staring into the camera saying “God doesn’t love you because you are worthy of being loved or you are a great person. God loves you because you need to be loved. Jesus didn’t sacrifice His life for us because we deserved it, but because we needed to be saved. Forget all of the other commandments. God wants you to walk in his love and show others the love that He has shown you.”
I was meant to hear that. God wanted me to hear that. It is so true and I feel it everyday, but at times I feel myself running from his anointing, running from his blessings because I’m scared.
A couple of minutes later, while ironing mine and Jayden’s clothes for the day, I went on YouTube to catch up on my subscriptions. I came across Marie Forleo‘s new video about finance and I decided to watch it. She was interviewing the creator of dailyworth.com and the last step she mentioned in the video “3 Steps for Building Serious Wealth” was “own your ambition”. Basically, don’t limit your capability. Don’t limit your success out of fear.
Both of those things that I “just so happened” to watch changed my life. Success is scary. It changes your life no matter how much you want it to stay the same.
I’ve been running. My entire life I’ve been running from success. I’m good at a lot I things and I’ve started I gain popularity and success in a lot of things and as soon as it comes about – I back down.
I’m afraid if change. I’m afraid of quitting a job to start my own business. I’m afraid of the hate that comes with success. I’m afraid of the time away from family. I’m afraid of “fake” people after everything you have but your genuine friendship. I’m afraid of burning bridges because of a business decision I make for myself or my family.
But, I can’t be anymore. I have to live the life that I was blessed with and give my talent my undivided attention and dedication. This is the only way I will find peace and happiness. I refuse to live in fear for the remainder of my life. I’m going full speed ahead. I’m going to hit some road bumps, but I’m not going to stop.
For the first time in my life – I believe in myself 100% and that’s a pretty damn good feeling. All I can say is – thank God!