Inspired. {.051}

Please tell me I’m not the only one who has felt like motherhood has made me put my personal style to the back burner. TELL ME! I would consider myself a pretty stylish and “hip” person, but you’d never know it seeing me out and about or any other time for that matter. When it comes to my little man on the other hand he is decked out in the latest Jordans, Polo shirts, GAP jeans and everything else he doesn’t care about. For some reason my Fiance and I make him our little manikin and dress him up like the adorable little munchkin he is. That shouldn’t have to mean that I give up on my personal style. I’m a person too! I just feel like I’m treating myself {and my style}, like a “Mom”; a matronly, old-fashioned mom. Being a Mother is a part of my life, but it isn’t all of my life.

I’ve been inspired by different bloggers and youtubers that have an exceptional sense of style and when I look at them I say to myself “I used to look like that”. Pinterest has been a huge source of inspireation as well. Being able to clip what I like and put it into a little board called “my stye” really helps me figure out what I want to purchase next and actually make outfits, not just a whole bunch of stuff. I’ve also been inspired to thrift. I still haven’t tried, but I’m going to take a trip with a friend one day and see how it goes.

Cheers to getting your “groove” back {whatever it was before you had your little one}, and if you haven’t lost it – GO GIRL!

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

Buddah

Own Your Ambition {.46}

Lately, I haven’t been feeling very ambitious. I haven’t been feeling myself. My computer has been acting wonky the last two days and instead of fixing it, I’ve just been going to bed. No homework getting done, no blog posts being written, nothing being read.

The crazy part of it all is that I’ve had a lot to say & a lot going on! But after a couple of days of self reflection and stumbling across sources of strength and encouragement I finally broke out of my funk.

This morning I turned on the TV and it was on one of those church shows. Usually I turn the channel because they’re  asking for a whole bunch of money and have a 1-800 number at the bottom of the screen or something, but for some odd reason I didn’t change the channel.

There was this middle aged man sitting in a chair staring into the camera saying “God doesn’t love you because you are worthy of being loved or you are a great person. God loves you because you need to be loved. Jesus didn’t sacrifice His life for us because we deserved it, but because we needed to be saved. Forget all of the other commandments. God wants you to walk in his love and show others the love that He has shown you.”

I was meant to hear that. God wanted me to hear that. It is so true and I feel it everyday, but at times I feel myself running from his anointing, running from his blessings because I’m scared.

A couple of minutes later, while ironing mine and Jayden’s clothes for the day, I went on YouTube to catch up on my subscriptions. I came across Marie Forleo‘s new video about finance and I decided to watch it. She was interviewing the creator of dailyworth.com and the last step she mentioned in the video “3 Steps for Building Serious Wealth” was “own your ambition”. Basically, don’t limit your capability. Don’t limit your success out of fear.

Both of those things that I “just so happened” to watch changed my life. Success is scary. It changes your life no matter how much you want it to stay the same.

I’ve been running. My entire life I’ve been running from success. I’m good at a lot I things and I’ve started I gain popularity and success in a lot of things and as soon as it comes about – I back down.

I’m afraid if change. I’m afraid of quitting a job to start my own business. I’m afraid of the hate that comes with success. I’m afraid of the time away from family. I’m afraid of “fake” people after everything you have but your genuine friendship. I’m afraid of burning bridges because of a business decision I make for myself or my family.

But, I can’t be anymore. I have to live the life that I was blessed with and give my talent my undivided attention and dedication. This is the only way I will find peace and happiness. I refuse to live in fear for the remainder of my life. I’m going full speed ahead. I’m going to hit some road bumps, but I’m not going to stop.

For the first time in my life – I believe in myself 100% and that’s a pretty damn good feeling. All I can say is – thank God!

In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can.
Michael Korda

Salads and Flowers {.45}


Today is the first day in a long time since the nice weather has arrived that I have actually had the energy and time to go outside with my little munchkin. It was so much fun! We didn’t do much but play in the grass, but that was the best play-in-the-grass fun I’ve ever had. Jayden made me a “salad” {out of grass and a stick}, I tried to teach him how to ride his bike, he picked flowers for me, we watched the cars ride by and ran back and forth in the grass like maniacs. Making lists, giving myself a bedtime, and sticking to a schedule has really helped me out so far when it comes to having time to just enjoy life. I just pray that I can keep it up because spending all of this extra time with my little munchkin is priceless.

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives”

Annie Dillard

It’s been a long time {.38}

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First let me start off by saying I’ve missed you memory book readers!

I haven’t been blogging since last week and it has been ever so painful.

There has been so much that I’ve wanted to share with you! But, there were some set backs in the homelife that I had to take care of first.

The most important issue being my son’s health. Jayden was sick – very sick. He didn’t have a common cold or anything like that. He had a stomach virus. The scariest part to me during the week that he was sick was that he acted normally, so I couldn’t tell how he was really feeling.

Ever since Jayden was younger he has done a great job of slamming his head on things and just moving along. I was proud of him for being tough, but concerned when I’d see random knots on his head.

This time he acted no different when it came to pain, except I couldn’t see that he was actually hurt like if he psychically bumped his head.

 

He had a fever of 102, vomited twice, had diarrhea like I’ve never seen before and had no appetite for a few days. Mind you I have never seen him throw up before. He has never thrown up in his whole little life, so I cried. It was so sad to see my baby apologizing for something he had no control over. All because it was on his sheets and pillow and floor and crud. I could care less about the mess!
But, through the entire stomach virus ordeal, he was playing, laughing, joking and having a gay old time! That’s my boy! Tough as nails. The only thing he said to me was “Mommy, tummy hurts”. He’d rub his stomach, poop, and keep it moving.

 

We took him to the doctor mid-week and she sucked monkey nuts. That’s the best way I can describe it. She didn’t listen and explained things to Quentin and I like we were three.

 

“Pediatricians don’t care if toddlers don’t eat. Parents do! We are just worried about him being dehydrated!”

 

Yup! Because I’m totally going to force food down my child’s throat if he clearly expresses to me that he doesn’t want to effing eat! Especially since he’s been shitting and throwing his guts up all over the got-damn house! And forget about water or gatorade! Noooo, I’m not going to give him anything to help him replenish his body with the electrolytes and necessary fluids he needs to LIVE!!!!!! Don’t tell me what I care about lady! I know how the hell to handle a dehydrated and stomach-aching child! Just tell me what the hell he can take or if there is anything additional we can do to make this virus go away faster. That is your job! Jayden’s regular doctor wasn’t there unfortunately, but he needed to see someone ASAP, so we went in for an impromptu sick visit. Not doing that again! Total waste of time. So glad she is not his doctor on a regular basis. She is a douche-face.

 

Anyhow…

 

School has been pretty stressful as well, the anxiety of figuring out what I ultimately want to do with my existence and graduation have been plaguing me. I know it will come and it won’t come when I want it. I just have to let it flow. That’s the hardest part. God’s got me though. I know he does.

 

We’ve got quite a bit of catching up to do my friends, but don’t worry you will get all of the deets (short for details – you like?) next week. Lucky for me I will be catching up on the homework I should have done this week all weekend long baby! It’s just been one of those exhausting weeks. I think my body is still making up for staying up 20 hours that day I discovered Jayden was sick. Phew.

 

Right now, I feel like I’ll never catch up on sleep. I want to fall asleep in my MacBook right now. See how this cycle continues?

 

To whom much is given, much is required right?

 

Today is the first of June {totally random, but I can’t believe it}! Holy crap time has flown by. Half of 2012 is gone people, zombies are here, stuff is getting all fudged up, better spend that money you have in your retirement fund while we’re all still here! ::cue dramatic music::

 

If you treat a sick child like an adult and a sick adult like a child,
everything usually works out pretty well

 

– Ruth Carlisle

Possessive {.037}

I knew that most kids went through the stage of being “possesive”, but of course {yet again} I didn’t think  that my little angel would catch on to the toddler trend.

I was wrong.

Everything is someone’s, not just his {which I’m happy about, because I’d have to body slam him for being selfish}. This weekend that passed was a pretty chill one, I did a massive amount of laundry, cleaned like I was a maid, and spent some much needed quality time with my boys.

One evening last weekend Quentin and I were laying on the bed and Jayden wanted to hop on and said “get cozy?!”, with the most excited look on his face.

Of course we agreed and we started pulling the blankets on all of us and getting pillows. As I went to grab a pillow closer to me Jayden said “No, Jayden’s pillow”.  Just out of curiosity I pointed to the pillow Quentin’s head was under ask whose pillow it was. “That’s Daddy’s pillow.”, he said.

For lack of better words that was “Get your own damn pillow, Mommy!” in toddler language. I took the hint and got my own pillow.

I assumed the pillow that I put in the bed wasn’t going to be mine according my three-year-old so I thought I’d ask just to see what he’d say.

“That’s Mommy’s pillow!”, he told me. I smiled.

I guess my little one isn’t as possessive as I thought he was. He knows what’s his and he knows what’s not. I can’t ask for much more than that.

While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about.

Unknown

Daddy & Son {.034}

Yesterday, I’m sure Jayden had a blast from the past. He didn’t have to go to school until 12:00PM because he went going to a doctor’s appointment with Daddy! He’s always craving more attention and more alone time with him. It was much needed and well deserved. When Jayden goes anywhere he’s a good boy, at the Doctor’s was no different. His pediatrician is one of the best I’ve seen {& we’ve been through a couple}. I trust her and she always goes for the treatment that will be the least harmful side effect wise for Jayden. That’s all I can ask for from a person who basically has my child’s life and well being in her hands when it comes to medical recommendations.  After the doctor’s appointment Quentin took Jayden to get something to eat (Jayden’s favorite past time) at Boston Market instead of dropping him off at school for lunch.
All in all I’m sure they had a fantastic time. Hopefully we’ll have time to have fun as a family on the weekend.
Ordinary time is “quality time” too. Everyday activities are not just necessities that keep you from serious child rearing: they are the best opportunities for learning you can give your child…because her chief task in her first three years is precisely to gain command of the day-to-day life you take for granted.
– Amy Laura

Press Play {.033}

I haven’t had time to play with my little one in so long. I mean really play. Like, lay on the floor & roll around like goofballs kind of play. I’ve always done something structured with him, which was fun for me cause I’m an adult, but not so much for him. When he came home from daycare he just wanted to play in his own way. He politely asked me to help him turn on the light so he could get his cars and off he went into his toddler dream land, while he was awake. I started to play with him a little, but to be honest I didn’t even realize what I was doing. It was like I was in another world. Just me and him. No homework. No phone. No responsibilities. Then, something clicked and I got up to look something up on the computer. I was planning on coming right back. But, realistically – how many times do I tell myself that & get caught up? Almost, always.

He was disappointed. Usually he won’t pay me any mind and continue playing by himself. But, this time he said “Come here, this is yours”, handing me the car I was playing with. That broke my heart and I immediately rushed over to finish playing with him. I had so much fun. It was just so interesting to dive into his world. Not, a structured game Mommy made up or anything. But, something that he truly enjoys. I honestly thought he would be super territorial over his coveted cars. Surprisingly (to me anyway), he was so incredibly generous, kind and gentle.  That’s a little snapshot of how he plays with his classmates I guess.

I always knew there was something special about this little boy. But, man – God shows me something more spectacular about him everyday. He’s my little angel on Earth.

Family values are a little like family vacations -— subject to changeable weather and remembered more fondly with the passage of time. Though it rained all week at the beach, it’s often the momentary rainbows that we remember.

 –Leslie Dreyfous, New York Times, Oct. 25, 1992