Inspired. {.051}

Please tell me I’m not the only one who has felt like motherhood has made me put my personal style to the back burner. TELL ME! I would consider myself a pretty stylish and “hip” person, but you’d never know it seeing me out and about or any other time for that matter. When it comes to my little man on the other hand he is decked out in the latest Jordans, Polo shirts, GAP jeans and everything else he doesn’t care about. For some reason my Fiance and I make him our little manikin and dress him up like the adorable little munchkin he is. That shouldn’t have to mean that I give up on my personal style. I’m a person too! I just feel like I’m treating myself {and my style}, like a “Mom”; a matronly, old-fashioned mom. Being a Mother is a part of my life, but it isn’t all of my life.

I’ve been inspired by different bloggers and youtubers that have an exceptional sense of style and when I look at them I say to myself “I used to look like that”. Pinterest has been a huge source of inspireation as well. Being able to clip what I like and put it into a little board called “my stye” really helps me figure out what I want to purchase next and actually make outfits, not just a whole bunch of stuff. I’ve also been inspired to thrift. I still haven’t tried, but I’m going to take a trip with a friend one day and see how it goes.

Cheers to getting your “groove” back {whatever it was before you had your little one}, and if you haven’t lost it – GO GIRL!

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

Buddah

My son is not B-A-D! {.047}

This afternoon I was sitting on a bench outside enjoying the sun and attempting to do some homework on my laptop when a Mother and her young {five years old} son came to sit next to me. We started talking about the weather and how her son’s summer was going so far, you know casual conversation. As the boy’s Mother and I got deeper into conversation, he started to wander off away from his Mother {mind you there was a busy street near by}. His Mother kindly asked him to return to the bench – he did.

Then, the cycle repeated itself. Conversation starts between her and I, the boy wanders off. This time he told his Mother that he didn’t want to come back, started dancing around near the street, smiling at her, and telling her he wanted to see the cars “now“.

Her response was “He doesn’t usually act like this!”. For the next fifteen minutes her son “acted like that” and her next response was “He likes to play too much, he’s not B-A-D, he just play too much. He’s like me, I play too much”. Basically admitting that he does always act like that {which isn’t always the case}.

I was embarrassed for her because it was clear that her son had no respect for her. There were no consequences, no parenting, no nothing. I’m trying to establish some better deciplinary tactics for my son as well. Even though everything might not work all of the time, you can’t knock a girl for trying! This Mom just didn’t try.

Has there been a time where you were out with your little one and he/she really did act out of character? How did you handle it?

The great end of education is to discipline rather than to furnish the mind;

to train it to the use of its own powers, rather than fill it with the accumulation of others.” 

Tyron Edwards

Salads and Flowers {.45}


Today is the first day in a long time since the nice weather has arrived that I have actually had the energy and time to go outside with my little munchkin. It was so much fun! We didn’t do much but play in the grass, but that was the best play-in-the-grass fun I’ve ever had. Jayden made me a “salad” {out of grass and a stick}, I tried to teach him how to ride his bike, he picked flowers for me, we watched the cars ride by and ran back and forth in the grass like maniacs. Making lists, giving myself a bedtime, and sticking to a schedule has really helped me out so far when it comes to having time to just enjoy life. I just pray that I can keep it up because spending all of this extra time with my little munchkin is priceless.

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives”

Annie Dillard

Can I have 28 hours in the day? {.42}

There aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do {including relax with my family}. If it did it all everyday I would go to sleep no later than 3:00AM and have to wake up two hours later to do it all over again. I’d love to do it, but I want to be around for my family and living like that is a sure way to shorten your life span. Sleep is more important than most realize.

The obvious answer to the feeling like there isn’t enough time in the day is to prioritize. Here is the moment of truth for me, as much as I try and as much as I make lists… I am not good at prioritizing. There I said it. In fact, I’m horrible at it!

Some days I am on point, other days you’d wonder if I had a brain. I’ve tried composing a daily list of things I should do before the day is out, but everyday is different and my family’s needs are going to be different everyday. I work like a machine, I like things to be structured and pretty much the same everyday. Life doesn’t work like that and I’m not having the easiest time adjusting. But, something has go to give.

Last night, I fell asleep at 7:30PM. That is a record for me and it’s not a good thing. But, I got a lot done the day before, which was great! I went to sleep at 1:00AM which wasn’t horrible, but there were so many things going through my mind even as I was laying my head on the pillow. I was mentally drained. I was thinking about what I could have done better, maybe I should have done the dishes before homework, that could have left more time for me to read blogs…It never stops.

 

I’m taking action. I cannot live like a frazzled chimpanzee anymore. It’s not a good feeling. I’m always on edge and always thinking about what’s next and who needs what from me. I want my mind to relax a little, but still get things done. I want to have my weekends free of cleaning and other things I could be getting done during the week so I can enjoy that time with my family. I’m making a project for myself. I’m making a list of all of the things I have to do during the week big and small, what is the most important, and a schedule of when I should have it all done. The most important thing that I’m doing {that my cousin taught me but I never listened to} is I’m giving myself a bedtime. Yes, I am going back to grade school and cutting myself off from doing stuff that I could do the next day. I’m putting my list on a timeline. I get so caught up in the details and making everything perfect, I take way too long to do simple things. I notice that when I set a timer or when I have to go somewhere, things get done so much faster.

So, it’s on – I’m taking my sanity back. We’ll see how it goes.

 

“No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading,

or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance.”

 

– Confucius  

Government Name {.041}

About three weeks ago, Jayden had his three-year check up. He’s healthy,  smart and all of that good stuff. Such a blessing. As the apointment was ending his doctor instructed Quentin and I to start teaching him our full names, how to survive in the wild {how to gather food, fight off hungry lions, etc} and all of that good stuff. Seriously though, you know stuff you should know if there is an emergency; addresses, phone numbers and all of that helpful stuff.

We didn’t waste any time and started teaching him what our names were right way. Let’s just say that within one day he had it down pat. I think he was a tad bit confused because he would ask if he got our names right. I mean, can you blame the kid he’s been calling us “Mommy” and “Daddy” since was only 6 months old. I could only imagine what was going on in his head when we told him what our real names were. To him, we are probably impostors.

“Mommy, thatsss Quentin!?”, he would say with a confused look on his face.

“Yes, that’s Quentin, Jayden.”

“Oh. Hi Quentin!”, he would wave as if he was meeting a new person.

Days went by and we would try to refresh his memory and make sure he didn’t forget our “new identities”.

One day I was in the bathroom, doing what people do in the bathroom, and Jayden knocked on the door {He doesn’t like when we go to the bathroom and leave him outside of the door. Go figure. Parent’s don’t deserve privacy.}

“Nicole? NICOLE!? NICOLE WHITEHALL!?!”, he wailed.

“Yes, Jayden.”, I said through my laughter.

“I come in?”

I couldn’t even answer him I was laughing so hard.

I found it so funny that he had already made the connection that “Nicole” was my “new” name. It was almost as if he thought we were telling him to call us something else from now on. I later explained to him that I was two people {this is making even more sense now}. He’s gotten the hang of knowing who Nicole Whitehall is and that she is Mommy too. I’m sure he doesn’t get why I have two names. But, it’s just the cutest thing to hear him say my Government name. What a sophisticated young lad.

The beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you.
B.B. King

Fuzzy Weekend {.039}

Dear weekend,

You were the same this time as you always are, eventful and fast paced. Most events took place at home this time. I was struggling with not having the desire to do homework during the week, so I did it all this weekend. It actually felt good to focus on one thing at a time without worrying about going to bed to get up for work in the morning. I finished  so much quicker that I would normally. I usually take five days to complete homework this time I only took 6-7 hours between two days. Humpf. New strategy to consider I guess. I did some much needed cleaning again which made me feel all fuzzy inside, but most importantly I got to spend some much needed quality time with my little munchkin face. My mommy stopped by to have breakfast with us too. She was in Maryland for a Jazz festival and couldn’t go back to New Jersey without seeing us of course. The man was working all weekend. So proud of the moves he is making in the fitness industry already. Overall it was a good weekend. I can’t complain.

I told you that I was going to catch you up with what’s been going on lately, but for now I’ll just leave you with some pictures to enjoy on this beautiful Monday morning. They are from an evening two weeks before at the park while watching Quentin film a video for work. I’ve got to admit, they are some of my favorites I’ve ever taken of Jayden. No poses, no planning, just the organic bliss of a kid, being a kid.

Taking pictures is savoring life intensely, every hundredth of a second.” 

Marc Riboud

It’s been a long time {.38}

Image
First let me start off by saying I’ve missed you memory book readers!

I haven’t been blogging since last week and it has been ever so painful.

There has been so much that I’ve wanted to share with you! But, there were some set backs in the homelife that I had to take care of first.

The most important issue being my son’s health. Jayden was sick – very sick. He didn’t have a common cold or anything like that. He had a stomach virus. The scariest part to me during the week that he was sick was that he acted normally, so I couldn’t tell how he was really feeling.

Ever since Jayden was younger he has done a great job of slamming his head on things and just moving along. I was proud of him for being tough, but concerned when I’d see random knots on his head.

This time he acted no different when it came to pain, except I couldn’t see that he was actually hurt like if he psychically bumped his head.

 

He had a fever of 102, vomited twice, had diarrhea like I’ve never seen before and had no appetite for a few days. Mind you I have never seen him throw up before. He has never thrown up in his whole little life, so I cried. It was so sad to see my baby apologizing for something he had no control over. All because it was on his sheets and pillow and floor and crud. I could care less about the mess!
But, through the entire stomach virus ordeal, he was playing, laughing, joking and having a gay old time! That’s my boy! Tough as nails. The only thing he said to me was “Mommy, tummy hurts”. He’d rub his stomach, poop, and keep it moving.

 

We took him to the doctor mid-week and she sucked monkey nuts. That’s the best way I can describe it. She didn’t listen and explained things to Quentin and I like we were three.

 

“Pediatricians don’t care if toddlers don’t eat. Parents do! We are just worried about him being dehydrated!”

 

Yup! Because I’m totally going to force food down my child’s throat if he clearly expresses to me that he doesn’t want to effing eat! Especially since he’s been shitting and throwing his guts up all over the got-damn house! And forget about water or gatorade! Noooo, I’m not going to give him anything to help him replenish his body with the electrolytes and necessary fluids he needs to LIVE!!!!!! Don’t tell me what I care about lady! I know how the hell to handle a dehydrated and stomach-aching child! Just tell me what the hell he can take or if there is anything additional we can do to make this virus go away faster. That is your job! Jayden’s regular doctor wasn’t there unfortunately, but he needed to see someone ASAP, so we went in for an impromptu sick visit. Not doing that again! Total waste of time. So glad she is not his doctor on a regular basis. She is a douche-face.

 

Anyhow…

 

School has been pretty stressful as well, the anxiety of figuring out what I ultimately want to do with my existence and graduation have been plaguing me. I know it will come and it won’t come when I want it. I just have to let it flow. That’s the hardest part. God’s got me though. I know he does.

 

We’ve got quite a bit of catching up to do my friends, but don’t worry you will get all of the deets (short for details – you like?) next week. Lucky for me I will be catching up on the homework I should have done this week all weekend long baby! It’s just been one of those exhausting weeks. I think my body is still making up for staying up 20 hours that day I discovered Jayden was sick. Phew.

 

Right now, I feel like I’ll never catch up on sleep. I want to fall asleep in my MacBook right now. See how this cycle continues?

 

To whom much is given, much is required right?

 

Today is the first of June {totally random, but I can’t believe it}! Holy crap time has flown by. Half of 2012 is gone people, zombies are here, stuff is getting all fudged up, better spend that money you have in your retirement fund while we’re all still here! ::cue dramatic music::

 

If you treat a sick child like an adult and a sick adult like a child,
everything usually works out pretty well

 

– Ruth Carlisle