That’s Okay {.053}

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“That sounds like thunder Mommy! I’m scared. Cover your ears!”, my little man said as he cuddled next to me and put his head on my chest. It’s the day before the fourth of July and fireworks are going off all around our house. Today is also the day before Jayden leaves on a five day trip to New Jersey to spend time with his Grandparents and Great-Grandma. This is the first time Jayden will be away from Quentin and I for that long. It’s a hard pill to swallow in a lot of ways, but we have to let him go sometime.

I lifted Jayden’s face off of my chest and looked into his eyes – our foreheads touched. He giggled. I asked him if he wanted to sing a song. He said, “Ring around the Rosy!” We began to sing together and just like that he forgot about the “thunder”. We sang and we sang until he started to yawn. As soon as he did – I had a flashback. I remember getting a 3D ultrasound done and seeing Jayden yawn for the first time. It was the moment my whole life changed because I could finally put a face to the little guy I was already madly in love with. That flashback made me realize how much he has grown and the simple fact that he’s going to be just fine for five days. He’s going to have a blast and enjoy some time away from the normal routine. I’m going to miss my baby boy and I’m sure he’s going to miss me – and that’s okay.

“We only part to meet again.”
– John Gay

Can I have 28 hours in the day? {.42}

There aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do {including relax with my family}. If it did it all everyday I would go to sleep no later than 3:00AM and have to wake up two hours later to do it all over again. I’d love to do it, but I want to be around for my family and living like that is a sure way to shorten your life span. Sleep is more important than most realize.

The obvious answer to the feeling like there isn’t enough time in the day is to prioritize. Here is the moment of truth for me, as much as I try and as much as I make lists… I am not good at prioritizing. There I said it. In fact, I’m horrible at it!

Some days I am on point, other days you’d wonder if I had a brain. I’ve tried composing a daily list of things I should do before the day is out, but everyday is different and my family’s needs are going to be different everyday. I work like a machine, I like things to be structured and pretty much the same everyday. Life doesn’t work like that and I’m not having the easiest time adjusting. But, something has go to give.

Last night, I fell asleep at 7:30PM. That is a record for me and it’s not a good thing. But, I got a lot done the day before, which was great! I went to sleep at 1:00AM which wasn’t horrible, but there were so many things going through my mind even as I was laying my head on the pillow. I was mentally drained. I was thinking about what I could have done better, maybe I should have done the dishes before homework, that could have left more time for me to read blogs…It never stops.

 

I’m taking action. I cannot live like a frazzled chimpanzee anymore. It’s not a good feeling. I’m always on edge and always thinking about what’s next and who needs what from me. I want my mind to relax a little, but still get things done. I want to have my weekends free of cleaning and other things I could be getting done during the week so I can enjoy that time with my family. I’m making a project for myself. I’m making a list of all of the things I have to do during the week big and small, what is the most important, and a schedule of when I should have it all done. The most important thing that I’m doing {that my cousin taught me but I never listened to} is I’m giving myself a bedtime. Yes, I am going back to grade school and cutting myself off from doing stuff that I could do the next day. I’m putting my list on a timeline. I get so caught up in the details and making everything perfect, I take way too long to do simple things. I notice that when I set a timer or when I have to go somewhere, things get done so much faster.

So, it’s on – I’m taking my sanity back. We’ll see how it goes.

 

“No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading,

or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance.”

 

– Confucius  

Mother’s Day Weekend {.032}

The weekend that passed was the best Mother’s Day weekend ever. I got lots of hugs and kisses. Calls from family and friends. Thoughtful gifts. Quality time with my boys. Home made peperoni and green pepper pizza. Random little strawberries in my backyard. And Relaxation. The only bummer was that I realized that I missed my little boy’s Mother’s Day lunch. I mixed up the dates and totally missed it. When I realized what happened, I cried. I told Jayden I was sorry and him saying “It’s okay, Mommy” made me come back to earth and realize that I’m only human trying to do everything and I will forget something or do something wrong. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but instead of wallowing in my mistake. I embraced the fact that he was there with my the entire weekend so we could spend some quality time together.

 “Finding some quiet time in your life, I think, is hugely important.

Mariel Hemingway

No love {.031}

Me: So, Jayden. You know Mother’s Day is coming up right?

Jayden: Yea.

Me: Did you decide what you’re going to get me?

Jayden: Yes.

Me: Well, what is it!?

Jayden: Milk.

Me: Milk?

Jayden: Yes, milk.

Me: Okay. Well, Father’s Day is coming up this summer! What are you going to get Daddy!?

Jayden: A beach.

Me: ::mouth wide open:: A beach?

Jayden: AND milk.

Me: Oh! Okay. Well, good for him then.

Apparently my mothering has only been good enough to warrant a glass of milk and nothing more. Epic fail.

 

Children remind us to treasure the smallest of gifts, even in the most difficult of times.

-Allen Klein