Can I have 28 hours in the day? {.42}

There aren’t enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do {including relax with my family}. If it did it all everyday I would go to sleep no later than 3:00AM and have to wake up two hours later to do it all over again. I’d love to do it, but I want to be around for my family and living like that is a sure way to shorten your life span. Sleep is more important than most realize.

The obvious answer to the feeling like there isn’t enough time in the day is to prioritize. Here is the moment of truth for me, as much as I try and as much as I make lists… I am not good at prioritizing. There I said it. In fact, I’m horrible at it!

Some days I am on point, other days you’d wonder if I had a brain. I’ve tried composing a daily list of things I should do before the day is out, but everyday is different and my family’s needs are going to be different everyday. I work like a machine, I like things to be structured and pretty much the same everyday. Life doesn’t work like that and I’m not having the easiest time adjusting. But, something has go to give.

Last night, I fell asleep at 7:30PM. That is a record for me and it’s not a good thing. But, I got a lot done the day before, which was great! I went to sleep at 1:00AM which wasn’t horrible, but there were so many things going through my mind even as I was laying my head on the pillow. I was mentally drained. I was thinking about what I could have done better, maybe I should have done the dishes before homework, that could have left more time for me to read blogs…It never stops.

 

I’m taking action. I cannot live like a frazzled chimpanzee anymore. It’s not a good feeling. I’m always on edge and always thinking about what’s next and who needs what from me. I want my mind to relax a little, but still get things done. I want to have my weekends free of cleaning and other things I could be getting done during the week so I can enjoy that time with my family. I’m making a project for myself. I’m making a list of all of the things I have to do during the week big and small, what is the most important, and a schedule of when I should have it all done. The most important thing that I’m doing {that my cousin taught me but I never listened to} is I’m giving myself a bedtime. Yes, I am going back to grade school and cutting myself off from doing stuff that I could do the next day. I’m putting my list on a timeline. I get so caught up in the details and making everything perfect, I take way too long to do simple things. I notice that when I set a timer or when I have to go somewhere, things get done so much faster.

So, it’s on – I’m taking my sanity back. We’ll see how it goes.

 

“No matter how busy you may think you are, you must find time for reading,

or surrender yourself to self-chosen ignorance.”

 

– Confucius  

Too busy? {.040}

Yesterday morning was like any other {except I woke up late – grr}. I woke Jayden up, got his breakfast ready, put him in his chair to eat and started packing his lunch and getting ready for the day. Since I woke up late, Jayden was eating by himself. Sometimes he’ll eat by himself so I can get more done and he never complains or anything {even though I hate that I feel like I don’t have time to sit down with my son for breakfast}.

This morning in particular was a little different for Jayden I suppose. After he took a couple of bites of his oatmeal, he looked up at me with those big brown eyes of his and said, “Mommy, aren’t you hungry?”. He looked at the empty seat next him, then looked back at me.

I said, “Yes, I’m very hungry. But, I have to get us ready to go!”

He just turned around and kept eating. No expression, no acknowledgement, nothing. That’s when I knew he was hurt.

I wanted to cry. But, I didn’t have time to cry {ironic isn’t it}.

My son didn’t ask me for an Xbox, he didn’t ask me to skip school or have candy for breakfast – he simply asked to eat breakfast with me {in his own way}.

I’m ashamed that I have let the hustle and bustle of life deter me from what is really important. Jayden is growing up before my eyes and his memory is starting to develop. I don’t want him to remember eating alone or having to ask for me to eat with him. I want him to remember family dinners and implement them into his house if he chooses to have kids.

I can do it all, I just need to prioritize better. I can certainly do more at night to make sure we have time to eat breakfast together in the morning. It’s just making the decison and the commitment that family is more important than anything.

“What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.”
– Mother Teresa

I love you {.027}

Goodbye weekend. You went by too fast, yet again. There wasn’t much to you this time, just relaxation, website building and listening to my noisy neighbors move out {yes!}. But, in the same low-key token you have taken on, you have been one of the most monumental weekends of my life. Don’t ask why weekend, I’m getting to that part.

You know that little being that grew inside of me for 8 months and some change? Yes, Jayden. Last night, after we read two books and he snuggled close to his Teddy in bed, he told me something. In fact, he told Quentin and I something pretty amazing {now I’m tearing up about it}.

While curled up in his bed, he looked up at me and said, “Mommy, I love you.” Then, he lifted his head up and said “Daddy, I love you!” It sounds pretty simple right? Wrong.

After Quentin or myself tuck Jayden in for bed, we always tell him that we love him. No matter what. The thing is, since he was born we’ve always said it first. To hear that sweet, innocent, little voice say “I love you” before we even got a chance to mutter it meant everything to me and then some.

I want our son to be loved, I want our son to be loving. Love is hard to teach sometimes because people disappoint you everyday – it’s life. But it’s nice to know that he’s learning how to be selfless and share. Last night he was selfless. He shared his love with us before knowing 100% for sure if he was going to get a response. He gave of himself, put his heart on his sleeve and got so much love in return. That is all life is really about & I pray he continues to do that. The lesson starts with the ones who are the closest to you. It’s weird to think of acts of love as “lessons”. But,  how else are you going to learn to love if no one told you they loved you?

Through the years we’ve taught him how to love & in that one moment he gave me a refresher of what we’ve been showing him. Giving of oneself in any capacity is love.

Love is that condition in which the happiness of

another person is essential to your own.


― Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land