M.I.A.

So, if you haven’t noticed. I’ve been M.I.A for about two weeks now {I know – whoaaa}. A lot of exciting things are happening in our lives right now and my baby boy just got back from his vacation. So, life is finally back to normal. I’ve missed sharing our life with you guys. But, don’t worry we’ll get all caught up on the fun & craziness.

In other news, I’ve moved {not to a new physical place or anything – well I guess that would be true in Internet land.}! WordPress.com has been a great place for me to start blogging and find out if it would be something that I would continue doing for more than a couple of weeks {I get bored fast}. Turns out I plan on doing this for the rest of my life {sounds like a really long time when I say it like that}. But, I never expected the warm and thoughtful comments I’ve gotten or the impact it would have on my family back in New Jersey – turns out they really love to see Jayden grow every single day and laugh along with Quentin and I like they were here with us.

Sorry! A little off track and sentimental there {insert tear here}. Reasons for leaving wordpress.com:

1. I wanted more creative freedom {change layout fonts, customize comments section, etc.}.
2. I need more space {I want to start using higher resolution photos without a limit}!
3. URLs without a dot in the middle are prettier. {http://www.thememorybookblog.com looks nicer don’t you think?}

Those are some of the basic reasons I left wordpress.com, but I had a blast getting involved in the community and will continue to use the installed version {from wordpress.org}and read wordpress.com blogs ’cause they are awesome! All in all, I have made my move safely and effectively {feel free to peak at old posts if you wish they haven’t gone anywhere}.

I’m getting all cozy and situated now with the layout and things at the new spot so feel free to visit me {permanently ::wink wink::}. Thank you for welcoming me into the blogesphere & I look forward to letting my creative juices flow and share our life with you all.

Bookmark & Subscribe if you like. This is the beginning of a beautiful, new blog-ship {yes, I made that up – like it?}.

Click away to my new home.

“Any time there’s a major change, whether it’s going into a relationship, getting out of a relationship, moving to a new city,

a death — that usually provides a catalyst for an explosion of creativity.”
– Lucinda Williams

That’s Okay {.053}

“That sounds like thunder Mommy! I’m scared. Cover your ears!”, my little man said as he cuddled next to me and put his head on my chest. It’s the day before the fourth of July and fireworks are going off all around our house. Today is also the day before Jayden leaves on a five day trip to New Jersey to spend time with his Grandparents and Great-Grandma. This is the first time Jayden will be away from Quentin and I for that long. It’s a hard pill to swallow in a lot of ways, but we have to let him go sometime.

I lifted Jayden’s face off of my chest and looked into his eyes – our foreheads touched. He giggled. I asked him if he wanted to sing a song. He said, “Ring around the Rosy!” We began to sing together and just like that he forgot about the “thunder”. We sang and we sang until he started to yawn. As soon as he did – I had a flashback. I remember getting a 3D ultrasound done and seeing Jayden yawn for the first time. It was the moment my whole life changed because I could finally put a face to the little guy I was already madly in love with. That flashback made me realize how much he has grown and the simple fact that he’s going to be just fine for five days. He’s going to have a blast and enjoy some time away from the normal routine. I’m going to miss my baby boy and I’m sure he’s going to miss me – and that’s okay.

“We only part to meet again.”
– John Gay

Zoo {.052}

Today Jayden took an impromptu trip to the zoo with his Daddy, Grandma Ellen and Step Brother, Christian. From what I heard he had a great time. That’s right – I didn’t go. I was hard at work all day and missed every moment. Being a working mom never gets easier as he gets older. He learns so many new things on a daily basis I just want to stare at him all day to see what he’ll say next. I do feel blessed that Quentin owns his own business so he can make his own hours and kind of be a stay-at-home Dad and a half.

Somehow I know in my heart things are supposed to be different. I just have to accept that I can’t have it all – right now. But, I’ll get better and most importantly he had a blast today and at least I have a couple of pictures.

“Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinion drowned your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

– Steve Jobs

Inspired. {.051}

Please tell me I’m not the only one who has felt like motherhood has made me put my personal style to the back burner. TELL ME! I would consider myself a pretty stylish and “hip” person, but you’d never know it seeing me out and about or any other time for that matter. When it comes to my little man on the other hand he is decked out in the latest Jordans, Polo shirts, GAP jeans and everything else he doesn’t care about. For some reason my Fiance and I make him our little manikin and dress him up like the adorable little munchkin he is. That shouldn’t have to mean that I give up on my personal style. I’m a person too! I just feel like I’m treating myself {and my style}, like a “Mom”; a matronly, old-fashioned mom. Being a Mother is a part of my life, but it isn’t all of my life.

I’ve been inspired by different bloggers and youtubers that have an exceptional sense of style and when I look at them I say to myself “I used to look like that”. Pinterest has been a huge source of inspireation as well. Being able to clip what I like and put it into a little board called “my stye” really helps me figure out what I want to purchase next and actually make outfits, not just a whole bunch of stuff. I’ve also been inspired to thrift. I still haven’t tried, but I’m going to take a trip with a friend one day and see how it goes.

Cheers to getting your “groove” back {whatever it was before you had your little one}, and if you haven’t lost it – GO GIRL!

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.“

– Buddah

No? The Sequel. {.50}

If you’ve been reading for a while, you’ll know that Jayden just started getting on the “No” bandwagon with the rest of the rebellious and curious kids in America. I’m going to be honest; it pisses me off to no other height when this little boy says ‘No’ to me. I just think it is the rudest thing he can say. He’s not explaining anything to me, he’s not trying to do something he is unsure of, he is flat out saying indirectly “LISTEN WOMAN, I’m not going to do what you say because I DON’T FEEL LIKE IT! SUCK ON THAT”. At least that’s how I interpret it in my head.

So, one day I just got fed up. I said to myself, “This is some bull crap. He is not going to just walk around this house thinking that he can say no to everything and do whatever he wants to do.”  I yelled at him. I yelled loud. It was probably uncalled for, but it just built up day, after day, after day until I couldn’t take it anymore. I told him, “YOU DON’T EVER SAY NO TO ME AGAIN! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME!?” He shook his peanut head “Yes” and that was the last time I heard ‘No’ out of his little mouth.

The story does not end there. Instead of saying ‘No’ to everything now, if I ask him to do something he’ll say “Not yet, Mommy. Not yet.” If that isn’t clever, I don’t know what is. He’s not saying “No”, so I can’t really get mad, but at the same time, he’s still not doing what I’m asking him to do. This is where I don’t know if I should applaud him because this is something that I would of done or be hella pissed because he is indirectly doing the same thing that he was doing before – without actually doing it. Gotta love toddlers.

“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” 
― Oscar Wilde

Fatigue {.049}

fa·tigue [fuh-teeg]

1. weariness from bodily or mental exertion.

Most moms have experienced this thing called fatigue, whether it’s from running around with the kids or dealing with everyday stresses. In my case, it’s definitely all mental – ’cause I don’t exercise {or do anything psychically strenuous for that matter}. I usually blog everyday and I love it, but lately I’ve been going to bed around 9:00PM, which tells me {and my body} that there is way too much going on. Just to name a few things, the trasmission on the car is going, I’m in my final two weeks of classes, I’m helping Quentin open his new training studio, and I’m trying my best not to get buried in this apartment full of stuff that I need to clean out. I could go on and on with the list of things I have to do or think I have to do. I’m certainly motivated to do more and excited about the future, but my body has just been shutting down lately.

I can tell you one thing though, Jayden and I have been rocking the eff out to Gotye’s ‘Somebody That I Used To Know‘; that has helped keep me sane. I listen to it while I’m brushing my teeth, while I’m doing the dishes, while I’m giving Jayden a bath and pretty much any other time Jayden says “Mommy, I sing the song?”. I never really know exactly what song he’s referring to {since he enjoys quite a few}, but I always play that one and he says “Yea!” – so I guess that’s the right song. It’s amazing to me how music can change your mood and motivation level. As, I’m typing this blog post right now, my eyes are watering, I have a headache and i’m hungry {again}, but I’m happy. I love writing and I’m blessed that I have the opportunity to do it everyday and share it with the world. That’s all that matters in life right? Finding something you love and someone you love and push yourself to enjoy every minute of it all.

Have you ever felt fatigued? How did you break out of the vicious cycle of conking out early?

 “There will be plenty of time to sleep once you are dead“

– Benjamin Franklin

There’s a Jayden in my bed! {.48}

Lately, around 3:00AM to 5:00AM, Jayden has been running across the long hallway into Quentin and my bedroom. He’ll get really close to either of our faces and wisper “Mommy” or “Daddy”, then lift his arms up to get into bed. We’ll lift him up, put him in the middle of the bed, and go right back to sleep as a cute cuddly family. 

This morning, Quentin and I woke up confused. There was little Jayden asleep in our bed sighing, and making toddler noises, but we can’t remember who lifted him up. Did he climb in by himself? No, he couldn’t have, our bed is pretty high, one of us would have had to pick him up.

Anyway, as I was sleeping away I hear a little voice say {at 5:00AM} “Mommy, time to get up. I’m hungry.” “Ohhh no he didn’t,” I was thinking to myself. He usually eats breakfast 6:30AM every morning. He was trying to get close and cosy with me so he could get some early breakfast food out of me. I sent him right back to sleep and woke him up at 6:30AM, when he was supposed to wake up and start eating breakfast. He wasn’t too happy of course, but he got over it. 

There is always some kind of plot with that little munchkin. 

“A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn’t act that way very often.“ 

–Author Unknown

 

My son is not B-A-D! {.047}

This afternoon I was sitting on a bench outside enjoying the sun and attempting to do some homework on my laptop when a Mother and her young {five years old} son came to sit next to me. We started talking about the weather and how her son’s summer was going so far, you know casual conversation. As the boy’s Mother and I got deeper into conversation, he started to wander off away from his Mother {mind you there was a busy street near by}. His Mother kindly asked him to return to the bench – he did.

Then, the cycle repeated itself. Conversation starts between her and I, the boy wanders off. This time he told his Mother that he didn’t want to come back, started dancing around near the street, smiling at her, and telling her he wanted to see the cars “now“.

Her response was “He doesn’t usually act like this!”. For the next fifteen minutes her son “acted like that” and her next response was “He likes to play too much, he’s not B-A-D, he just play too much. He’s like me, I play too much”. Basically admitting that he does always act like that {which isn’t always the case}.

I was embarrassed for her because it was clear that her son had no respect for her. There were no consequences, no parenting, no nothing. I’m trying to establish some better deciplinary tactics for my son as well. Even though everything might not work all of the time, you can’t knock a girl for trying! This Mom just didn’t try.

Has there been a time where you were out with your little one and he/she really did act out of character? How did you handle it?

“The great end of education is to discipline rather than to furnish the mind;

to train it to the use of its own powers, rather than fill it with the accumulation of others.” 

–Tyron Edwards

Own Your Ambition {.46}

Lately, I haven’t been feeling very ambitious. I haven’t been feeling myself. My computer has been acting wonky the last two days and instead of fixing it, I’ve just been going to bed. No homework getting done, no blog posts being written, nothing being read.

The crazy part of it all is that I’ve had a lot to say & a lot going on! But after a couple of days of self reflection and stumbling across sources of strength and encouragement I finally broke out of my funk.

This morning I turned on the TV and it was on one of those church shows. Usually I turn the channel because they’re  asking for a whole bunch of money and have a 1-800 number at the bottom of the screen or something, but for some odd reason I didn’t change the channel.

There was this middle aged man sitting in a chair staring into the camera saying “God doesn’t love you because you are worthy of being loved or you are a great person. God loves you because you need to be loved. Jesus didn’t sacrifice His life for us because we deserved it, but because we needed to be saved. Forget all of the other commandments. God wants you to walk in his love and show others the love that He has shown you.”

I was meant to hear that. God wanted me to hear that. It is so true and I feel it everyday, but at times I feel myself running from his anointing, running from his blessings because I’m scared.

A couple of minutes later, while ironing mine and Jayden’s clothes for the day, I went on YouTube to catch up on my subscriptions. I came across Marie Forleo‘s new video about finance and I decided to watch it. She was interviewing the creator of dailyworth.com and the last step she mentioned in the video “3 Steps for Building Serious Wealth” was “own your ambition”. Basically, don’t limit your capability. Don’t limit your success out of fear.

Both of those things that I “just so happened” to watch changed my life. Success is scary. It changes your life no matter how much you want it to stay the same.

I’ve been running. My entire life I’ve been running from success. I’m good at a lot I things and I’ve started I gain popularity and success in a lot of things and as soon as it comes about – I back down.

I’m afraid if change. I’m afraid of quitting a job to start my own business. I’m afraid of the hate that comes with success. I’m afraid of the time away from family. I’m afraid of “fake” people after everything you have but your genuine friendship. I’m afraid of burning bridges because of a business decision I make for myself or my family.

But, I can’t be anymore. I have to live the life that I was blessed with and give my talent my undivided attention and dedication. This is the only way I will find peace and happiness. I refuse to live in fear for the remainder of my life. I’m going full speed ahead. I’m going to hit some road bumps, but I’m not going to stop.

For the first time in my life – I believe in myself 100% and that’s a pretty damn good feeling. All I can say is – thank God!

“In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can.“

–Michael Korda

Salads and Flowers {.45}

Today is the first day in a long time since the nice weather has arrived that I have actually had the energy and time to go outside with my little munchkin. It was so much fun! We didn’t do much but play in the grass, but that was the best play-in-the-grass fun I’ve ever had. Jayden made me a “salad” {out of grass and a stick}, I tried to teach him how to ride his bike, he picked flowers for me, we watched the cars ride by and ran back and forth in the grass like maniacs. Making lists, giving myself a bedtime, and sticking to a schedule has really helped me out so far when it comes to having time to just enjoy life. I just pray that I can keep it up because spending all of this extra time with my little munchkin is priceless.

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives”

– Annie Dillard